Lyndon Hood - vs vampires, Wellington
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Werewolf V is here.
I wrote a thing for it. It is not all entirely true.
I’m not a great one for keeping commitments made on this blog, but I think I can improve on one column every two months. I don’t think it was just me; is it something in the air? I took to saying they seemed daft enough at the moment without me pointing it out.
Also, it’s been busy at the office. I have done a bit of work in the humour line which may possibly see the light of day at some point.
Anyhow, speaking of press releases, in the meantime I saw In The Loop at the cinema and managed to catch Live At Six at Bats. (Incidentally, I have never been on the Bats waiting list and failed to get in.)
These are interestingly parallel and basically realistic condemnations of the state of mass-consumer politics and media respectively. It’s probably historical utopianism, but those institutions seem to have done for debate the same thing supermarkets did for food.
They also both featured a terrifyingly capable amoral PR fixer, a type which now I think about it is a satire almost by itself. Though In The Loop also made a point of being cruel to him, which was nice.
Another thing they had in common was they made Lyndon feel inadequate.
Note to self: write more stuff.
Arts Festival looks good, by the way (I refer to the programme rather than the visual identity). And I'm not just saying that because of all their wine I drunk at the launch. We will be soliciting reviewers in due course...
Click to enlarge
Labels: human rights, in the loop, legislation, live at six, nz politics, press releases, satire, wellington international arts festival, werewolf
Lyndon Hood - correspondent, Lower Hutt
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Magnamail envelope said I should contact them if it had been tamper with. Maybe I should do that, because I opened it, and it was full of shit.
Labels: intemperate outbursts, magnamail
Lyndon Hood - bloody sampley, Wellington
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Read carefully:
Note Simon Power's scare-quotes.
"Ah yes, Sir," says the policeman, "We 'intend to charge' you. Now roll your sleeve up."
A Bill to help Police solve more crime by expanding the collection and use of DNA samples passed its second reading in Parliament last night.
The Criminal Investigations (Bodily Samples) Amendment Bill allows police to collect DNA from people they 'intend to charge', and to match it against samples from unsolved crimes.
Note Simon Power's scare-quotes.
"Ah yes, Sir," says the policeman, "We 'intend to charge' you. Now roll your sleeve up."
Labels: bodily samples, crime, dna, legislation, nz politics, police
Lyndon Hood - facial pic collector
Friday, October 09, 2009
Gerald Depardieu??
Plus: Helen Clark = Posh Spice. At least, that's the first female result...
[UPDATE:
Orange Election Man = Wil Ferrell, Valerie Perrine in nightdress, Superman. Interesingly, Perrine was in Superman II.
Me = bunch of random guys, Jay Leno.
UPDATE UPDATE:
Bother - turns out the links DO expire. Apologies. May try and sort something later...
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE:
If you still care, you can try saving then feeding Picollator the following:
Me - me_3_face.jpg = SUPERMAN!!! or possibly Lois
(more may follow once I find the pics I actually used)]
Plus: Helen Clark = Posh Spice. At least, that's the first female result...
[UPDATE:
Orange Election Man = Wil Ferrell, Valerie Perrine in nightdress, Superman. Interesingly, Perrine was in Superman II.
Me = bunch of random guys, Jay Leno.
UPDATE UPDATE:
Bother - turns out the links DO expire. Apologies. May try and sort something later...
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE:
If you still care, you can try saving then feeding Picollator the following:
Me - me_3_face.jpg = SUPERMAN!!! or possibly Lois
(more may follow once I find the pics I actually used)]
Labels: facial recognition, gerald depardieu, images, john key, nz politics
Lyndon Hood - insufficiently self-promoted
Friday, October 02, 2009
You should come to the New Zealand Improv Festival!
7-10 Oct at Bats! Showcasing improv from NZ, and Melbourne too!
Late night shows at Fringe Bar!
Workshops (including beginners's's!)!
!
7-10 Oct at Bats! Showcasing improv from NZ, and Melbourne too!
Late night shows at Fringe Bar!
Workshops (including beginners's's!)!
!
Labels: improv
Lyndon Hood - recreational whisher, Wellington
Friday, September 18, 2009
Questions time yesterday:
Paua—Changes to Harvesting Regulations
12. CHRIS TREMAIN (National—Napier) to the Minister of Fisheries: What recent changes to regulations have been made to address the issue of illegally harvested pāua?
Hon PHIL HEATLEY (Minister of Fisheries): Changes to the amateur regulations will now make it illegal to hold more than two times the daily limit of pāua, or the equivalent in meat weight, and that includes in one’s freezer or in one’s international *carry-on. This is just another tool for the *Ministry of Fisheries to target those who traffick in illegally caught pāua.
Chris Tremain: What reports has the Minister seen regarding this policy?
Hon PHIL HEATLEY: A lot of support for this regulation has come through the submission process. Fisheries officers will not go looking through anyone’s freezer for no good reason. I need to make that very clear. I want to reassure our recreational fishers that if Ministry of Fisheries officers are knocking on their door and asking to look in their freezer, it is highly likely that they are the target of a sting operation.
Very "reassuring". Surely Labour would have been crucified for this? Or does paua = maori?
Speaking of which:
Wat the whuck?
Michael Laws' odd outburst at the end of his Campbell Live I/V does sort of make sense, apart from the not-making-sense, if he'd planned it in advance and realised the interview was about to end. Winston taught him well.
Paua—Changes to Harvesting Regulations
12. CHRIS TREMAIN (National—Napier) to the Minister of Fisheries: What recent changes to regulations have been made to address the issue of illegally harvested pāua?
Hon PHIL HEATLEY (Minister of Fisheries): Changes to the amateur regulations will now make it illegal to hold more than two times the daily limit of pāua, or the equivalent in meat weight, and that includes in one’s freezer or in one’s international *carry-on. This is just another tool for the *Ministry of Fisheries to target those who traffick in illegally caught pāua.
Chris Tremain: What reports has the Minister seen regarding this policy?
Hon PHIL HEATLEY: A lot of support for this regulation has come through the submission process. Fisheries officers will not go looking through anyone’s freezer for no good reason. I need to make that very clear. I want to reassure our recreational fishers that if Ministry of Fisheries officers are knocking on their door and asking to look in their freezer, it is highly likely that they are the target of a sting operation.
Very "reassuring". Surely Labour would have been crucified for this? Or does paua = maori?
Speaking of which:
Wat the whuck?
Michael Laws' odd outburst at the end of his Campbell Live I/V does sort of make sense, apart from the not-making-sense, if he'd planned it in advance and realised the interview was about to end. Winston taught him well.
Labels: michael laws, nanny state, nz politics, paua, the h bomb, whanganui
Climate Science: Act Doesn’t Feel The Heat
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Click to enlarge
The Act party, in their minority report on the recent review of the emissions trading scheme, have argued that man-made global warming should not be considered a threat. Because they know better.
Thanks to a memo we found stuck to our shoe after leaving the Parliament toilet block, Scoop can now reveal some other policies that Act plans based on this attitude to mainstream science.
ITEM: Disestablish crown research institutes like GNS Science and AgResearch; have Rodney date rocks and sequence cow genomes using his common sense.
ITEM: Unequivocally condemn fire-bombing the offices of one’s enemies. People you disagree with should be burned at the stake.
ITEM: Nuclear power plants + massive deregulation → radioactive waste everywhere → we all get awesome superpowers.
ITEM: “Teach the controversy” on John B’s perpetual motion machine.
ITEM: Establish PPP project to build a tunnel through the Earth’s crust, so we can exploit the resource-rich realms of its hollow interior.
ITEM: Do we really need more policies? Because at this rate every one of our Parliamentary Questions until the election will be about ‘a light smack for the purpose of correction’.
ITEM: Increase productivity by having everyone leave saucers of milk out at night.
• will promote the dairy industry.
• will free up labour by encouraging elves to do the housework.
ITEM: Except we won’t have a dairy industry, because we’ll have swapped all our cows for magic beans.
ITEM: Get everyone magnetic underlays instead.
ITEM: Any demonstrated warming of climate can be mitigated by the cooling fan-effect of everyone face-palming when Act makes pronouncements about climate science.
Labels: act party, climate change, nz politics, pseudoscience, satire
